If I were qualified enough to write reviews for films, I’d have the recent release of Evan Almighty down as a whimsy high-budget sequel that’s on the mark in terms of originality but very, very cheesy. Our eponymous hero Evan is called upon by God to start acting like - and dressing akin to - someone called Noah. I’ve never been a fan of spoilers, so I’ll just say he builds something, a certain event happens, and he saves a lot of souls. If the movie doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, the ripoff novelisation is now available in all good bookshops (Genesis chapters 6-9). The fallout of the downpours in the Bible version was a lovely rainbow, creatures saved and the world cleansed of evil. The fallout of the floods in the south this summer is the much-maligned sequel of foot and mouth disease. In its first modern outing six years ago, the cattle epidemic was the maladie du jour for press and satire when it became apparent it wasn’t half as serious as its BSE big brother. Now the remake is out in farmyards now, and we’re no longer cracking wise with "foot in mouth" gags or making rather corny mad cow puns – it’s a lot more serious now, it would seem.
Yet, somehow, it’s quite comfortably contained. Cordons have been set up and DEFRA are taking the job in hand with professional expertise. I’m no microbiologist, but there’s only so much you can do to stop molecular bacteria from setting up shop in a new farmyard. Thus I wouldn’t call it an outbreak; for the most part, it’s been a lot of mild panic without any immediate cause for concern.
Sorry if this angle on the hot-topic news sounds cynicism border on the apathetic; I must admit, it is. Like the recent flooding, it’s something we can make a whole lot of fuss about without having to take much action. One of the main reasons is that human fatalities from foot and mouth are extremely low. That is, of course, nothing to take mildly; mutations of the disease are a huge risk, and it’s quicker to stamp out the strain now before it becomes too late. In the meantime, though, there’s not too much cause for concern – the disease should be contained and eliminated within time and the wave of paranoia will quickly wane. And sales of Big Macs should be back on the rise – a nation can rest easy.
